Hey bloggers, I haven't update my blog for so long. Not because I'm busy or etc, I'm just a lazy lump. So guys, what's up? You know, somehow today, I feel a little bit different, some kind of lonely feeling tingling inside me, maybe stress? I don't know. I'm just feeling kinda lonely today. You know guys, what do you feel when someone from your past, the one who'd given you some bad memories is now enjoying her life more than you do. She doesn't have so much money, fame, not a smart ass, not that pretty but she's happy. Sometimes, you even wonder, 'I have so much more than her but I have to fake my own smile and she doesn't have to.'

She has family support. She has a real family. A family that we can turn to whenever we feel so rough, hurt, dying and I'm living in a family who has always conformed towards society needs. I just realized, through all the 17 years of breathing, I'm not really living, my choice was always limited because at the end, the purpose of doing everything I'd done was satisfying my parents' wants. Though I looked at it as their hopes instead of their wants, yet, when I went through my memories, they were somehow being a little selfish. They said, you need to get good grades, its for your own good but why did they feel ashamed when the society asked them about my result? I didn't get straight A's but my result was considered as not-so-bad. At the end, the major intention is not about getting into a good University but to please the society. Ironic much. UNLIKE her, even if her results might not be as good as mine, but her family is always there for her, when she's happy or when she's down. Truth is, I envy her for that and at the end, even if I have every thing in this world, I know, she'll still win because she has a real family, the core of happiness.

She has options. She does what she wants. EVEN when she has limited choices. She doesn't need to satisfy others. She's just she. Living in her world. Finding every path to fulfill what she wants and not anyone's. She's happy like that. She doesn't need anything else, she's just happy to be her.

Bloggers,

Don't mess up your life like mine. Do what you want, listen to your heart, never lie to yourself telling everything's going to be okay. Not every thing going to be okay, that's why, stand up high, walk straight and end it with a great ending and parents, you might worry about your child's future, but honestly, if you love your kids, listen to what they want. I'm not the person who have the right to give advice to parents, I'm 17 but based on what I'd experienced,good parents are always the persons who know what their kid wants, making their kid feels safe and let them be what their kid want to be.

About my life update, I'm now going to continue my study in a local university. I chose what I like and I'm going to do Degree in Architecture. I'm still in a relationship with the same boy, 17 months together and I'm still counting it. So, here's my latest picture with my boy. Till we meet again :)